Jokes
1)* Ek police Inspector ke ghar chori ho rahi thi.
Wife: Utho ji, ghar mein chori ho rahi hai.
Police Inspector: Mujhe sone de, main iss time duty par nahi hoon.
One: Oye tera ek daant neela kyun ho gaya?
Two: Yaar maine ink lagayi hai.
One: Woh kyun.?
Two: Kyun ke aaj kal “bluetooth” ka zamana hai yaar…
Santa: Kaam wali shanti ko bulao.!
Wife: Kyun?
Santa: Doctor ne kaha hai, raat mein dawa khane ke baad shanti ke saath so jaana.
Customer: Mujhe phone per dhamkiya mill rahi hai.
Police: Kaun hai woh jo aapko dhamkiya de raha hai?
Customer: Telephone wale bolte hai ke, “Bill nahi bharoge toh kaat denge.”
Husband: Sher ka shikar karne ja raha hoon mere darling!
Wife: Toh jao naa khade kyu ho!
Husband: Kaise jaau.. Bahar kutta jo khada hai!
Husband: Tumse shaadi karke mujhe ek bahut bada faayda hua hai!
Wife: Woh kya?
Husband: Mujhe mere gunaaho ki saza jeete jee hi mil gayi!
Husband: Sir, meri wife gumm ho gayi hai.
Postmaster: Bhai yeh postoffice hai. Ja ke policestation mein complaint likhao.
Husband: Kya karun…, khushi ke mare kuch samaj hi nahi aa raha…
Bahu: Maaji, yeh abhi tak nahi aaye, kahi koi ladki ka chakkar toh nahi hai unke ?
Maaji: Are kalmuhi tu toh hamesha galat hi sochti hai, Ho sakta hai ke kisi truck ke niche aa gaya ho!
One day James Bond goes to buy a pan. The pan walla asks him 4 Rs. for the pan but James Bond gives him only 1.5 rs.
When paan waala asks him for the rest of the money, Bond replies…??
Dhai(2.5) another day!
Wife: Woh admi jo drink kar raha hai, Usko maine 10 saal pehle shadi ke liye inkaar kia tha. Dekho who aaj tak sharab pee raha hai!
Husband: Wow! itni lambi celebration!
Newly married wife husband se: Tumne apne doston se yeh kyun kaha ki mujhebahut accha khana banana aata hai.
Husband: Ab tumse shaadi karne ki koi wajah toh mujhe batani hi thi.
Lalu to Rabri: Agar tum batao ki iss bag ke andar kya hai, toh sare eggs tumare, agar tum batao kitne eggs toh 8 ke 8 tumare, aur agar tum bata do ke ande kiske hai toh woh murgi bhi tumari.
Rabri: Lalu Ji, koi hint toh do na plz?
Police: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phansi di jayegi.
Sardar: Ha ha ha!
Police: Kyu hass rahe ho?
Sardar: Main toh subah 8 baje tak sota hoon!
Ek bar ek chitti ne Hathani ke kan mein kuch kaha toh hathni behos ho gayi.
Phir kisine chitti se pucha ke tune kya kaha?
Chitti Boli: Maine itna hi kaha ke “Main tumhare bacche ki maa banne wali hoon!”
Banta mujra dekhne gaya, Sari raat mujra dekhta raha
Bai: Saheb humne aap ko khush kiya, Ab aap hamein khush karo.
Toh banta utha aur khud nachne laga.
Husband wife ki godh mein leta hua tha. Aur wife ne pyaar se apne husband se puchha:
Wife: Kaisa lag raha hai ji.
Husband: Aise, jaise bhagwaan Vishnu Shesh naag ki godh mein lete hon.
Ek chota baccha bahut der se ghar ke bahar khada darwaje ki ghanti bajane ki kosish kar raha tha.Toh ek budha aadmi aaya aur kaha:
Budha aadmi: Kya kar rahe ho beta?
Baccha: Uncle, yeh ghanti bajana chahta hoon.
Budha aadmi (ghanti bajake): Yeh lo bajgaya, ab kya hai?
Baccha: Ab bhago!
Circiut: Bhai, who apnay bachpan ka dost aarehla hai aaj raat ko dinner pe.
Mera Sara chain collection apne kamray mein chupa do na please.
Munna bhai: Kyun tera dost chor hai kya?
Circiut: Nahin Bhai, woh apne chain pehchan lega.
Boy to girl at a dance party: “Kya tum mere sath dance karogi?”
Girl reply: “Main bacche ke saath dance nahi karti.”
Boy: Sorry mujhe pata nahi tha ki tum pregnent ho.
Teacher: Zameen par rehne wali janwer bacche deti hai, Hawa mein urne wali andey deti hai!
Woh konsi cheez hai jo hawa mai bhi urti hai or bacche bhi deti hai??
Student: “Air Hostess!”
